Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Hey Drama Mama...Where Ya been?

Aaaaaaand I'm back. Let me just say that I missed you terribly and I never wanted to leave. I never meant to stop blogging almost 6 months ago. I wanted to blog about my first day of rehearsal for Memphis the musical back in June. It was a co-production between Aurora Theatre and Theatrical Outfit. Which meant we would perform at two different theaters in the same town. Aurora's run was July 23-August 31st. The Theatrical Outfit leg of the run was shorter but in a larger space and ran from September 10-20th.

I wanted to blog about what was in my rehearsal bag and the struggles of childcare drop-offs, vocal fatigue, opening nights, and performance stamina. I wanted to make cute opening night gifts and write thank you cards for all 25+ of my cast and crew members and my directors. I wanted to be SUPER-drama-mama (insert eye rolls). Reality is harsh though, and the reality is: Super Moms are a myth. If they are shining in some area then another area of their life is a hot-shoddy-mess.

I mean my husband and I had to buy extra underwear because we didn't have time to do laundry, don't judge. One week we found things growing in a pan at the bottom of a stack of dirty dishes (#gross, #itossedthepan). But hey, we were on stage with this amazing cast thrilling audiences 6-7 times a week.

Now, 6 weeks post closing I'm still digging my house out from the chaos and rubble of our chaotic schedule and my sweet daughters bedtime routine continues to suffer. So where was I going to squeeze in blogging? I even took my laptop with me a couple of times thinking I would have a moment to squeeze in a post here or there (insert eye rolls, snorts AND condescending chuckles). You don't have a moment to squeeze anything in when you co-staring in a large musical. In my mind, I wanted to be this and this and this AND this:

and in reality I could only be this and partially this.

Over the 4 months of rehearsal and show run I struggled with feelings of guilt over my daughters well being and the countless times I packed her overnight bag for the sitter and forgot her food or milk.

I struggled with frustration over how slowly I memorized my lines, my lyrics, and my choreography because baby brain is real, even 15 months later.

I struggled with the pressure of packing rehearsal bag, snack bag, baby bag, baby toys, baby food, blankets, lovies, pacifiers and getting husband and baby dressed and out the house daily...DAILY (okay so I didn't actually dress my husband get the point). To my husbands credit he did drive round trip to the theater and did whatever it took to make sure I wasn't late. I just knew if I could at least make it into the car everyday I could get a good hour of cram time, sleep time, just breathe and play farm heroes saga time.

I was NOT about to struggle over having enough time or energy to blog, even though it has been a desire of mine to grow this blog for a long time. I mean I can only do what I can do. One dream at a time, ya know?

That 4 month hustle was a struggle and I loved it and I hated the pressure at the same time. So when the show closed on September 20th I cried my eyes out and then I walked out of the theater and released it. The next day I got some news that hit me like a freight train so I've unofficially been in hiding from social media. I've been trying to unwind, trying to process, trying to make sense of life post Memphis. What did I do before the show? Where are my friends? Do I remember how to make a meal that doesn't come from a box? What's next?

So last night around 4:30am as I am lay awake surfing the net, facebook stalking, Farm Heroes Saga-ing, I came across a blogger talking about NaBloPoMo.

National Blog Posting Month challenges bloggers to post every day for the month of November, so even though I'm a few days late getting started I've decided to take the challenge. Now I can't promise I'm going to finish but I'm up to giving it a try. I wanted to re-start/re-charge my blog, pull myself out of my post show funk and really get going it goes......

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